Parents
10 Lies Every Parent Should Tell
(because the truth doesn't always produce a positive outcome)
By Mike Zimmerman
1 "The tooth fairy called. She said the way you're behaving, you might as well keep the tooth." Parents threaten consequences all the time, but it helps to have a strong third party on call to bring perspective. From Halloween on, throw all your disciplinary needs onto Santa's lap.
2 "Monsters like to eat dust bunnies. I bet you're going to get lots of monsters in this room." Call it a cleanliness incentive plan.
3 "Mommy and Daddy aren't fighting; we're rearranging the kitchen." Kids might not buy this one, but in our desire to be right, we jump into fights even if it means exposing our kids to adult conflicts. Need to scream? Get 'em out of the house first.
4 "Mommy and Daddy aren't fighting; we're playing leapfrog. On the bed. Without our clothes." In case the makeup sex gets out of hand.
5 "Reading books will make you a millionaire." In today's screen-dominated world, kids must grow up knowing that books, not blogs, will unlock the secrets of their universe.
6 "Don't worry, sweetie, that can't happen here." Um, sure it can. Murder, terrorism, earthquakes—they can strike anytime, anywhere. But parents must be kiddie Pepto-Bismol: Coat them, soothe them, relieve them.
7 "I know everything." Before teachers, coaches, and the kid down the street get their shot, parents must be a child's go-to encyclopedia for all of life's questions. The important thing is that your children, not you, believe it.
8 "That guy is homeless because he didn't eat his vegetables." If you really stretch it, there's science to back this up, given the importance of nutrition to brain health. More important, this lie teaches cause and effect, and gives your child the power to determine his destiny.
9 "I'm not afraid." Your smile is their Kevlar vest, your hug proof that everything will in fact be OK, no matter how bleak reality might be.
10 "This is Mommy's special juice, and it's poison to children." Happy hour is sacred ground, folks.
Comments
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Some of these suggested lies are the dumbest advice I've ever heard for parents to be telling their children. No wonder our kids are so screwed up.
Posted by: L Olives on March 12, 10:12am
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Wow, are you serious? Tell a kid that monsters like dust bunnies? (Our house, at least, would be overrun.) That homeless people created their own situation? I guess this is a joke, but you know that some folks will take it seriously, and that's just what the world needs - more screwed up kids!
Posted by: Stacy on March 12, 10:13am
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You've got to be kidding. Tell a kid that monsters like dust? Try getting them off your lap after that (at least in our house). Homeless people created their own situation? Grownups don't make mistakes? I know what you're getting at, but you know some folks will take this seriously, and that's just what the world needs -- more seriously messed up kids.
Posted by: Stacy on March 12, 10:16am
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I totally agree with L Olives. I can't believe that parents would be so stupid or incapable of being parents that they would feel the need to use such "white lies" to manage/raise their children! Truly, most of these are for kids raising kids--not adults raising future adults!!
Posted by: Johnie on March 12, 10:20am
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I am in complete shock! Mike Zimmerman do you have children? I hope you dont. How did this get published??? I am scared that some young new parent is going to look to this magazine for advice and come across this diarrhea in print and think that they are doing the right thing by their child. Absolutely unacceptable advice!
Posted by: Christy on March 12, 10:36am
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I am in complete shock! Mike Zimmerman do you have children? I hope you dont. How did this get published??? I am scared that some young new parent is going to look to this magazine for advice and come across this diarrhea in print and think that they are doing the right thing by their child. Absolutely unacceptable advice!
Posted by: Christy on March 12, 10:38am
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Awesome idea - teach your kids that lying is ok, the truth doesn't matter, and you think they are idiots. Seriously, my 4 year old could see through some of this crap right now.
Posted by: Jacob on March 12, 10:51am
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Really? This is some of the worst parenting advice that I've ever read. Not only is it full of quick temporary solutions (that will bite you in the behind in the future), but it is rude and insensitive. A person is homeless because he didn't eat his vegetables? That's not how I want my children to grow up viewing social problems. Half of these "solutions" will end up breeding more fears and anxiety than the kid has in the first place. Poorly done, Children's Health.
Posted by: Cara on March 12, 11:01am
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...you know i still remember all those moments when i'd reached that age of realizing there was no santa or easter bunny and thinking..."WOW, My mom sure lies alot!, i don't think i trust her or her advice"
GREAT ADVICE ~ NOT! There are many many many ways to do all these things you've listed in a way that is encouraging a child to think for themselves, AND live safely in the real world, AND respect their parents....
Is the person who wrote this even a parent??? i feel for their kid if they are!Posted by: Laura Huhn on March 12, 11:12am
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Wow, all negative comments from people who must have perfect children. NOT. The point of this article is not that we should be lying to our children everyday but that children need that fantasy aspect in their world if they are to grow up strong and healthy. Without the belief in santa, the easter bunny and monsters under the bed we are left with cynics and angry violent youths who have no outlet or way of dealing with trauma. Maybe you people have perfect children who knew from day one that santa clause did not exist. But then again I would rather have a child who believes in santa clause that a little &%#T that knows you are going to be giving them presents anyway. Oh and before you say "I would never reward Negative behavior" Your comments already show otherwise.
Posted by: Azazel on March 12, 11:48am
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This article is HORRIBLE!! The truth does not need to be spelled out in overwhelming detail, but should NEVER be sugar coated, or covered up for the sake of a "positive outcome" to the degree suggested here. Children understand far more than grown ups think they do and are only hurting their own future credibility with their kids if they feed them loads of BS like this. I am discontinuing my subscription to this newsletter due to the appallingly ignorant content of this article. "Naked Leap frog"?, "Homeless because he didn't eat his veggies?" You have to be joking!!
Posted by: Gypsy Kelso on March 12, 12:15pm
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What a load of bull! Even operating under the assumption that you are joking, it is still insulting and demeaning to a child's intelligence. Love the one about the homeless person. We should teach out children compassion and understanding about mental illness, not intolerance and judgement. I for one will NEVER tell my children that reading will make you a millionaire. In the world I live in, I merely hope my children decide to choose family and spiritual values over the pursuit of the almighty dollar. You sound like a parent that chooses the easy way out to avoid questions that might make you spend time with your children and engage their intelligence and help nuture their self confidence in the real world!
Posted by: Brenda Hyatt on March 12, 1:14pm
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I thought this was going to be serious advice, so I read it. It's horrible advice!
Posted by: Heather on March 12, 1:25pm
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Lol, love it!
Keep up the awesome advice!Posted by: Dayna on March 18, 5:41am
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I saved this email to read it when I had time and boy was I dissappointed. I thought it was going to be serious advice. Yeah, well, not so much! If you're going to send an email out like this -- which IS really important -- make it real.
Posted by: Amy on March 23, 11:39am
