Don't make Dad your assistant
Not long ago, all parents had to do was make a few sandwiches and drive the kids to Little League practice now and then. Not anymore. Now, raising kids is an extreme sport, a logistical challenge that would have tested the fellas who planned the Apollo space mission. Today's kids are tightly--and yes, sometimes overly--scheduled. And often, because women tend--that's tend--to be better at organizational stuff, Mom becomes the boss, and Dad is sort of reduced to her assistant, a functionary who takes orders and drives people places. In too many families, Mom calls the shots.

This is bad for Dad's morale, even if he doesn't know it. And more important, it's bad for the kids. They're entitled to two functioning, effective parents. So even if Dad is happy to become your lackey--and some guys are because it's just easier to follow orders--don't let him. Either make all decisions together, or else be sure that Dad takes responsibility and decision-making authority in a couple of areas that suit him well. Now of course, this means you'll have to live with his decisions--even the bad ones. But parents have to show confidence in each other, even if they don't feel it. Especially if they don't feel it.

Respect Dad's need for downtime - and yours
People need a little downtime each day--not much, just 15, maybe 20 minutes in which to do nothing more taxing than read a magazine or tool around Facebook or stare idly into space. If they don't get it, neurons get tangled up and low-grade rage ensues. Now this fact runs head-on into the perpetual demands of being a modern parent. There's always something that could be done--washing dishes, helping with homework, searching the ductwork for the hamsters. But most often, only dads are smart enough to demand the mini-vacation that parents of both genders need. Moms frequently feel guilty about goofing off, even momentarily, and so they make Dad feel guilty too. Bad idea. He's right about this one, Mom. You don't owe your kids your every breath of every day. Resist the media blitz that insists you're somehow failing your kids--either you're not feeding them right, or you're not enriching their minds enough, or whatever. Your kids deserve a mother who's proud of what she's done, not anxious about what she hasn't. So support Dad's need for a little downtime, and get some for yourself as well. It's not just good for parents, but it's good for children, too. They should learn to enrich their own lives.

Do Dad - as often as you'd like
The single most helpful thing you can do to help your guy be a better father is to keep your sex life going through the parenting years. When Dad loses a physical connection to Mom, despair sets in. And it's tough to be an engaged father when life tastes like ashes. I know that the exhaustion and midnight crying squalls and the anxieties of raising kids are not exactly a formula for keening lust. But if you care about your children, make this a priority. The kids deserve a dad who has some hope in his heart. A well-loved dad is a devoted dad. Do him for the children.

Now, of course, you don't want to be so accommodating to the narrowness of Dad's skill set, so respectful of his limitations, that fatherhood isn't an opportunity for growth. Fatherhood is a fabulous forum for a guy to expand his portfolio. So you want him to stretch some, but you also want him to feel well cast in the Dad role. Like anything artful, bringing forth the uber-Dad within is about finding a just-right balance. If he feels that his innate energies are useful to you and the kids, a serenity will inspire him to happy heights of Dad mirth and love. And years from now, the children will look back and remember two parents who savored family life and loved them with everything they had. And once the kids are grown and flown, you'll have a husband at peace, a man proud of his contributions to the cause.