Ages 10+

Resist the urge to quit.
If you want your kids to stick with things, let them quit, Runkel says. "Just make sure they taste the full pain of quitting." When Runkel's son was 8, he wanted to quit baseball. Runkel told him, "Sure, but you have to tell your teammates and coach." The boy couldn't do it. He's played seven seasons now. This works with schoolwork, too: "If your kid wants to give up because a project is too hard, say, 'OK. Tell your teacher you quit and you'll take whatever grade is appropriate.' Trust me, they'll stick it out."

Read food labels.
"Contrary to popular belief, kids can learn to make wise food choices," says David Katz, M. D., M. P. H., an associate professor of public health at Yale University and a father of five. "Make it easier by having a wide variety of foods available, but only the healthiest options in each category." Example: They can pick whatever drink they want, as long as it doesn't contain high-fructose corn syrup or exceed 100 calories per serving. Another trick: Steal a page from Eat This, Not That! For Kids ($14, amazon.com) and use visual comparisons to demonstrate how much sugar or salt is in their favorite foods. If you show them the three teaspoons of sugar in each bowl of Froot Loops, they'll think twice.

Have empathy for others.
Ask them about the hardest part. "Say, 'Man, it must be hard being an 8-year-old. What's the hardest part?'" Runkel suggests. Then ask about people they know who are having a hard time: "What do you think it's like for your friend whose mom has cancer? What's the hardest part about that?" "This line of questioning will help them develop a sense of 'I'm in their shoes,'" Runkel says. "These questions don't always get answered--sometimes it's 'I don't know'--but this doesn't mean they aren't thinking about it. That's why you should never stop asking."

Be more patient.
Don't bother with the "patience is a virtue" nonsense, Runkel says. If you're stuck in a long line or in traffic, explain that it stinks for you, too. "Say, 'Hey, I want to be out of this line more than you do. What's the hardest part about waiting for you?'" Runkel says. "Kids can withstand anything if they're allowed to talk about it, because talking gets them thinking about ways to deal with it." Whatever you do, don't promise a reward just to shut them up. "There's an intrinsic reward in learning to be patient," Runkel points out. "Use the situation itself to make time go faster and help them grow."

Improve their focus.
Maybe you don't want a hat-trick-scoring, scholarship-winning, oboe-playing phenom of a child, but our competitive society makes them think otherwise. This explains why so many kids have trouble focusing, says C. Andrew Ramsey, M. D., an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Columbia University. Make sure your kids understand your expectations. Explain that developing skills is about mastery. "Whether your child's role model is Tom Brady or Beyoncé, let them know they ascended to lofty heights because they mastered one skill," Ramsey says. "Learn to go through one door and many others will open for you; try to go through five doors at once and you'll go nowhere."

Earn their independence.
When your kid asks to stay out later, ask what time works for them. Then ask why--what will they be doing? If you don't get a reasonable answer, say no. If you do, say yes, says psychologist Janet Edgette. Studies show that when parents give children more freedom and responsibility, the kids develop stronger morals more quickly.

Save the world (or at least not be so darn cynical).
As kids struggle to form their identities in our sometimes violent, often materialistic, always tech-obsessed world, they can become more self-centered and less sympathetic. "You'll never turn your son or daughter back into the wide-eyed child they were just a few years ago," Ramsey says. "But you can chip away at their cynicism by calling them to action." Runkel brought his young son to traffic court with him so the boy could see accountability in action. Likewise, Ramsey says, the simple act of volunteering for a day can pay dividends. Kids will see they can make a difference, and they'll be inspired by other people out there doing it every day.

Say no to drugs.
Give them the straight dope, Runkel says: "Here's what you're going to encounter. Not might. You will encounter this. I want you to be aware of what these drugs look like and what they do so you're ready." Be as specific as possible, as often as possible. (If you don't know everything about roofies, Ecstasy, or crank, Google them.) That's how drugs go from mystical to matter-of-fact. "I talk about drugs in passing with my kids all the time," Runkel says. "I ask, 'Do you know what a joint is? You want to know what it does to you?' Bring it up again and again until it's, 'Yes, we know, Dad. Shut up already!'" Of course, they might decide to sample something anyway, but at least they'll know the facts when it comes time to make a very important choice.

Ignore peer pressure.
For most kids, what peers think is more important than any behavioral consequence. Your task is to shift that balance, says Peter Stavinoha, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical School. How? Tell personal stories. "'What happens if this kid cheats off you and the teacher sees it? Let me tell you about a kid who couldn't get into college because of cheating, or the kid who went to jail because of an ounce of pot, or the kid who killed someone when he was drunk behind the wheel,'" Stavinoha says. It's tough getting a preteen or adolescent to take role-playing seriously, but you can try that, too. "Script scenarios based on what you know about your kids, their friends, and their school," Stavinoha says. "But always bring it back to the real-world consequences of their actions."